Hello my lovelies!! Hope you are all keeping well!
Me, in case you were wondering, I had a really, really lovely day yesterday! It was one of those days when, although we didn’t stop, it was blissful! However, my other half miiiiiiiiight beg to differ! xD
Let me break it down for you. We had a day off together, which is so stupidly rare it’s not even funny!! So, we had a choice, stay in and do the pre-Spring clean degrime, or get out of the house and enjoy ourselves. Sorry, I love the fifties look (I’m even rocking the liquid eyeliner and red lips today) but I am nooooooooo housewife, I HATE CLEANING! What -do- I like? Do I hear the distant sound of scanners beeping, tills opening, kachings? Shopping??
Who remembers that oven chips advert from a few years back? Daddy or chips… daddy or chips…. daddy……. or chips….
Shopping or housework, shopping…. or housework? There really wasn’t much of a debate to be had, was there.
That’s a lie, really… we had our shopping delivered early in the morning, so that was a bit of housework!!! Right? Right!!?
Now, I don’t know if any of you are like me, but I love the beginning of shopping! That start, when you’re fresh, bright eyed and bushy tailed. The shopping centre is your oyster, go forth and conquer!!!! It’s ace, you have this feeling you’ll find exactly what you want, or you’ll come across a real gem in some little boutique where they once snubbed you, and they’ll love you now because Richard Gere has his Xtra special, VIP, platinum diamond mix credit card at the ready to purchase your every whim….. wait, that’s Pretty Woman. Damn, that’s right, I was there, with my bog standard debit card.Stupid films, why do they always raise us to have unreal expectations that will never come to fruition!?
Sorry, where was I? Let me just reread the babble… bright eyed, oyster, Richard Gere, ah yes! It’s always great when you start shopping! Then, you hit one shop… the ‘I’m going to take every good feeling you have about yourself and rip it out through your chest, hopefully taking your heart with it on the way’ shops. I don’t know why it affects me so much, but it does! I try something on, in my size, and it’s tight, too tight. I do the typical girl thing,
Me: “What do you mean, it won’t zip up!?”
O/H: “I don’t have enough hands to pull it together and tug it!”
Me: “But… it’s MY size!! Hang on… *big exhale, press hands against boobs to try and crush them into me* How about now?”
-zip drags up, I’m in it but unable to move, actually I’m not even able to breathe-
Me: “Hulk… smash.”
It’s depressing! And I’m sure we’ve all been there. It brings out my inner ‘skinny bitch who then guilt trips me into promising to only eat salad until I can easily fit into this dress! No more fast food, no more food full stop!! Why did you quit smoking you idiot!? You could eat more when you smoked!! Yesterday, she made me feel down for about… half an hour? Then I shut her up with a chocolate muffin. I’ll start the bloody diet tomorrow, and I’ll do a work out before work! (I did too! Check me out!)
I did get some new clothes though, and some amazing t-shirts I’ll have to post photos of soon! I have some new jeans that are just sexy as hell!! They totally channel the ever so glamorous Katey Sagal in her Gemma Teller Morrow guise!
We were in a shop in town where my beloved girly had devolved to having a mental age of five and these denim shorts she wanted to show me were the, and I quote, ‘greatest, most amazing shorts ever in the history of the creation of the world’ and she ‘neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeded them’. I have to admit, I felt so sorry for her! She’d been in last week, tried them on, fallen in love and then had to leave them because the queue was too long and her lift was ready to leave. So we went in, especially to get these shorts, she jumped around like those kids on the advert where they find out they’re going to Disney Land…. and then realised that they didn’t have her size anymore.
Now, I don’t mean to toot my own horn but beep, bloody, beep! I am a damn good girlfriend! Whilst queuing to pay for the stuff we were buying, I grabbed out my trusty smart phone and searched out the other store a few towns over! Luckily, it was 5.30pm and this particular store stayed open until 8pm!! HAPPY DAYS!!!
Soooooooo, imagine this next bit as a montage, us racing, arms laden with bags, through the streets, from one end of town to the other, where I had parked the car, complete with the stupid floor cleaner I’d bought, leaking, soaking the corner of the paper bag beside it, which then meant it split and, as we’re racing, my shopping slowly drops out, item by item… so we have to go in reverse, picking up said items! (thank GOD I didn’t buy those ‘shake it’ panties for zumba!) Then get back to the car, and I have a freak out, I have NO idea how to get from here to the other shop! I know how to get from here to home, and from home to the store, but not here to store!!!
As much as I love my other half, she’s not the greatest at directions, or using an iPhone, so trying to get her to navigate was like asking Sleepy to grab me a magazine from the top shelf!
Never the less, more by luck than judgment, we made it to the store and *insert the fanfare, shining white spotlight and hell, why not, Chariots of Fire* there were the shorts!! Hallelujah!
Next port of call was the same town, to the local college where my sister needed the other half for an assessment in her beauty course. I was supposed to drop her in, head home and have my sister drop her home later. However, after getting lost on the way to the college too (thank you, GoogleMaps for not updating to let us know that the looooooong road that would take us to the college now has a lovely break, a cement square of sorts, complete with corner shop!)
Anyhoo, we get there, I go in to get a coffee because, let’s face it, I deserve a full fat, no crappy decaf, black Americano, and I am met by my sister. One of her classmates needs a client for a French manicure and she put me in for it. Well, after a day rushing around, an impromptu manicure sounds right up my street!!! Someone is smiling on me! I gush to my other half about how we’re both getting some pampering, how we could get used to this, blah blah blah, and she gives me this little forlorn smile and I stop. Oh shut up, Jen! How could you be so blonde!? You’re talking about pampering to the poor thing who has signed up for a half leg, chin, lip and eyebrow wax… all in one sitting!!! So I sat there, having my hand massage, watching my other half do a Brechtian silent scream… yes, I felt bad.
But you know, it was a really good day!! Despite the feeling bad about how I look, the arm aches, the racing here, there and everywhere and my poor girly breaking through her pain barrier, it was lovely to actually spend some time with her, have lunch with my sister and just… do our own thing. And, you know what? It didn’t rain on us either! Bonus!
Until next time,